Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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