Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
