Ambien. No doubt about it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
