i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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