I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
