I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
