a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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