I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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