Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
