I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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