Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
