Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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