yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
