Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
