I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
