I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
