You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
