You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize