Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
