I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
one might say we're banned from that church
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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