Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My underwear smells like fireworks.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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