she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
