last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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