"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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