There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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