If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
