i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My pussy is not your playground.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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