my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
