My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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