I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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