remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's just like the Real World with babies
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize