Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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