Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
