I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
