No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
