How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
