is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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