he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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