at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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