So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
