I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
