we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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