Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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