how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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