gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
