I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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