I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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