Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize