just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
