I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
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