He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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