allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
How's work?
Spinning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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