i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize