Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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