It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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