so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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