I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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