did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
