so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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