There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
