He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize