im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
