she looked like the before picture.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize