Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
