I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize