i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
pray to the hookup gods
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
