Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
