You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
