margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
