At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am puke
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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