My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Let's paint friendship bongs
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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