can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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