His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
