I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
