That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
