I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
