feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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