Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
