Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
