i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
