He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
