Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
