Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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