I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
