Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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