I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
