Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
