doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
