batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
