quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
