hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
