A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
