I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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