It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
