I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
