Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
