I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
