I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
