Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
