I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
