its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
