literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
