these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
