You really coming over, don't trick.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
