things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
