To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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