So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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